Friday, March 21, 2008

Not Out

cherryboi is closeted. This is not a judgment. I am not sure it surprises me. I think that the evidence was there and I just didn't notice it. I don't know that I even care, at the moment. cherryboi is in the closet.

I was invited to an "intimate" birthday party that a friend of mine threw for his partner. "Howard" is a partner in a big DC law firm. "Dan" and "Howard" have been together for about 10 years. They have a fantastic loft apartment in the U Street neighborhood. Lots of stainless steel and glass with a great view of downtown DC. "Dan" is a really sweet guy that I met about week 2 after I moved to DC. We have never hooked-up, but we are very friendly and have fallen into a get together and telephone kind of friendship. If "Howard" is out-of-town or busy working, we will end up grabbing a bite to eat or hanging on the telephone or im'ing each other. "Dan" is a good guy that had a really shitty life until he and "Howard" found each other. "Dan" talked me through all the emotions and bs I went through with K. "Dan" also was a major cheerleader in my seeing the possibility that cherryboi could be more than a hook-up. While I was venting and pondering the whole cherryboi-thing, "Dan" confided to me that he and "Howard" had met in a club in SE DC that no longer exists in 1998. What used to be a gay nightclub district off of South Capitol Street has been transformed by the construction of a baseball stadium for the Washington NationalsWashington Nations. "Dan" was on his knees in the entry way to the bathroom sucking a guy's cock and when that guy shoot his load, "Howard" stepped up and took his place. At the end of the night, "Dan" was in a cab headed back to "Howard"'s place. They have been together ever since. "Howard" is 15 years "Dan"'s senior. By "Dan"'s logic, if he and "Howard" can build a relationship after a random bj in a bathroom then cherryboi and I are destiny. Anyway..............

When I invited cherryboi to the dinner party, I noticed a little bite of hesitation. He knows "Dan", so he ended up seemong to be more enthusiastic and nothing more was said. Fool that I sometimes can be, I didn't really think about it much. On the Metro headed over to the party he was quiet. There were a total of 4 other couples at the party, which was very fancily catered. We all drank far to much wine and there was a very broad running conversation about everything under the sun from politics to the bizarreness of the human condition. It didn't take long to realize that cherryboi was not at ease. He was not totally withdrawn, but he seemed quiet and pre-occupied. "Dan" finally rescued him from some good-natured teasing and they headed into the kitchen to fix everyone a nightcap as the evening was breaking up. We drank the nightcap and said our goodbyes.

Walking back to the Metro, I offered an apology that he didn't enjoy the evening. He brushed my apology aside with one of his own and offered that he just wasn't himself tonite. Rough week and he blamed working hard, etc. Nothing more was said. As we left the Metro at New York Avenue, we said our goodnight and parted ways. That was Thursday before last. cherryboi was on the road for work that weekend. Back to the Congressman's District with some kind of political event to attend.

So, the next Monday I call "Dan" to thank him for a great evening. In the course of the conversation, "Dan" lets me know that cherryboi is not "out". "Didn't you know?", he asks. Long story short, I didn't think about it but I guess I should have known.


Baltimorean said...

well, do u think that him being in the closet is going to be a problem for u? it sounds like this is bothering you a bit.

then again, if cherryboi is uncomfortable with being "out" among other people...then he should say something! i guess it's kind of a difficult situation.

Anonymous said...

Hold up! How did "Dan" know that cherryboi is in the closet? I mean you are boning the guy and hanging out with him and it never came up. "Dan's good".

Also, sounds like this congressman might be a Republican. It makes sense for cherryboi to be in the closet...get the career on track then break out!!!

GanymedeDC said...

Hopefully cherryboi will realize there is nothing to gain by being in the closet. And as far as the Republican congressman political careers potential issue...that is a load of BS. I am an "R" in DC and have never suffered discrimination in political, media, or professional business arenas. As long as it is not flaunted, "R"'s can be just as cool as "D"'s. I have had many friends who have been openly gay working at senior level positions under "R"s with major career advancement. We should not stereotype.

Perhaps this partyy was an important step for cherryboi...mixing with some well educated/heeled/ out gay professionals. He will learn what we all often gave to do - hold our heads high and be proud of who we are.

meshugener said...

Its hard to have an open an honest conversation early (actually anytime) in a relationship - try and reassure him and give him a space to be open with you about his fears and you can talk to him about yours ...

Anonymous said...

we were all in the closet until we accepted the fact that we love cock and felt comfortable enough to admit it in public.

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