I am not sure if K and I are still together or not. I am not sure if we were ever together. We have spoken by telephone every day. We had lunch downtown on Wednesday.
The fact of the matter is that what K says he hoped for was that I would see the cigarette burn marks, be jealous and beat him up. Or, so he says now. I think whatever the reality, only K may have any clue of the truth. I told him Wednesday that I would devote no more energy trying to make a determination.
K said he loved me, as I have blogged. I was shocked at the time, but on some level I wanted to believe that he might. Everyone wants to be loved. He may love me. I am just sure that he doesn't love me the way I need to be loved. Bottom line.... that is what is important. If I don't remember that then I am as fucked up or more than he is.
The dilemma now is whether to even continue to see K as a friend or a fuckbuddy. If I do, isn't he the winner? We aren't too close and he gets to live this fantasy of abusive relationships. Somehow, I think the conflict between the two of us over the last week has fed that. I mean, as some of you have pointed out, I made him cry and he gets off on abuse. K needs professional help, which he is not now getting. So, maybe the end of K.
In the meantime, I totally fucking worked the The Cop over last night. He left a few hours ago very sore and totally not willing to give me some more this morning. I had to settle for a tame morning blowjob.
A shout out to my new Cockwhore. You know who you are, if you are reading. I suspect you maybe. Maybe I'll fuck you next time, if you serve me well!
Finally, so fortunate to have cocksuckers to enjoy. Thugboy and The Kid have been a telephone call away all week. I am amazed how eager The Kid has been. He is on his way over now!
6 hours ago