Saturday, March 22, 2008

Not Out............. Pt. 2

cherryboi being closeted is not a gigantic issue for me. It may possibly be an obstacle in our relationship, but it is not a big issue. I was just blindsided by it. I should not have been surprised, but I was caught by surprise. While I was getting the full court press from him, it never occurred to me. Under the circumstances, I should have realized that he is just discovering who he is. I think I have been focused on seeing how mature he has been while trying to enter a relationship with me. cherryboi is very smart and very mature, but I think a lot of the "maturity" is more posturing for my benefit than confidence with who he is as a gay man.

But, cherryboi and I are OK. When he got back into town last week, I made a point of having a long conversation with him. He is really totally closeted. It may be possible that the only people who know he is gay are the 3 guys (1 being me) that he claims to have hooked up with. He immediately moved to assure me that he is going to come out to everyone very soon. I could see how emotional this made him in his eyes and on his face as he spoke and I could tell that he saw this as a big issue for us. I told him that he shouldn't come out for any reason other than to satisfy himself. I made him promise me that he would do this thoughtfully and only when he was totally comfortable and ready.

cherryboi being closeted is not a gigantic issue for me. It may possibly be an obstacle in our relationship, but it is not a big issue. I was just blindsided by it. I should not have been surprised, but I was caught by surprise. While I was getting the full court press from him, it never occurred to me. Under the circumstances, I should have realized that he is just discovering who he is. I think I have been focused on seeing how mature he has been while trying to enter a relationship with me. cherryboi is very smart and very mature, but I think a lot of the "maturity" is more posturing for my benefit than confidence with who he is as a gay man.

But, cherryboi and I are OK. When he got back into town last week, I made a point of having a long conversation with him. He is really totally closeted. It may be possible that the only people who know he is gay are the 3 guys (1 being me) that he claims to have hooked up with. He immediately moved to assure me that he is going to come out to everyone very soon. I could see how emotional this made him in his eyes and on his face as he spoke and I could tell that he saw this as a big issue for us. I told him that he shouldn't come out for any reason other than to satisfy himself. I made him promise me that he would do this thoughtfully and only when he was totally comfortable and ready.

Before I get barraged with e-mails again, I do know that we were all in the closet at some point in our lives. I also believe that cherryboi has to be ready to come out and that he should only come out for himself. It can't be about me. We all have our own stories and most of us have scars from finding acceptance and from not finding acceptance from people.

So, what's next? I don't know as I write this. I guess we take it one day at a time, as "Dan" recommended to me. cherryboi is worth it, "Dan" argues. I agree. cherryboi is worth it. So as we take it one day at a time, you can probably read about it here.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

OK. Thanks for the update, but I am a little ticked off with you. So since he got back in town, have you banged and seeded his "closeted" ass? All the other info. is good for background, but we "OUT" gays, need sperm details.

What about that married lawyer? Seeded him recently? And don't forget the marine, Are you serving our country in him?

Details, details...we "OUT" gays need it.

The Average Joe said...

lol, anon is funny:-)


my only question was... didnt his nickname "cherryboi" hint at the possible closetness... just saying... lit student here so i cant help it

insoflo said...

ok, i admit i wasn't thinking with my head in this situation.