Sunday, April 27, 2008

K

When I started to write this entry in the Blog, I went back and checked and I have not written about K since last November. I have studiously avoided him in life as I have in writing about him here. I still hear from him and see him on the Metro occasionally. He is still a beautifully handsome man. We talk on the Metro and his messages and texts me occasionally. He is still a damaged soul and it is unfortunate. I feel that my unwillingness to deal with his issues has quite possibly damaged him more and that pains me.

K knows that I am with cherryboi. We bumped into him at Gallery Place several weeks ago. He was leaving as we were arriving to see a movie. I am not trying to exaggerate, but I thought he was going to cry. There was such a pained look on his face when the realization came to him that I was with someone. I was put in a position where I had to introduce cherryboi to him. I explained to cherryboi over Häagen-Dazs after the movie that K and I had dated before he and I had met. I didn't go into a lot detail, but K's reaction was jarring enough that it came up after the movie.

cherryboi: "Who exactly is K?"

me: "We dated before I met you. It didn't work out and it's over."

cherryboi: "Does he know it's over?"

me: "If he is listening to what I have said to him over the last few months, he knows."

cherryboi: "He acted like he just caught his boyfriend out with another guy."

me: " He bumped into a guy he used to date with a hot young new boyfriend. Frankly, I am not sure I would have reacted much better seeing him with someone new after I broke it off with him."

cherryboi: "Do you still fuck him?"

I looked into cherryboi's eyes waiting for the next question as I said: "No, I don't fuck him anymore." The next question didn't come and he seemed to loose interest in K as a topic of conversation.

I received a long rambling e-mail from K several days later. He cares for me. It hurts to know that someone else is with me. yada yada yada. Then he offered that I could have him whenever I wanted, even though I had a boyfriend. I didn't respond to his messages, but each one was slightly more irrational than the last.

The whole experience made me numb. I'd like to say that I don't care about K, but that would be a lie. Seeing him react to cherryboi was uncomfortable. The emotions in his e-mails afterward were unsettling. There are still feelings there.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

WOW! Thanks for sharing. I think cherryboi is onto you. That "do you still fuck him" didn't come out of left field. You should be prepared for more.

Poor K. Do not confuse love with caring for someone who obviously needs serious help. Maybe cherryboi can help you with some solutions...so open up and share with him.

JamieBoy said...

Anonymous-was just about to say the same thing!

Treat Cherryboy well...he's so genuine...

I also don't think you have feelings nec for K-just cause I've been out with some head fucks/damaged people and were you have a kind heart per se-you can't help by be drawn in to help..

K wants to fuck up your relationship like his life is fucked up. Eye for an Eye.

He's hurt but go back in your website about why you broke it up at the first place..

Good luck!

Baltimorean said...

ay ay ay! u got ur hands full, mister. do u think it would be to anyone's benefit to have (another) sit-down with him?

Voyage of Berri-Danni said...

Its unfair to treat K like that. He deserve a response, yes or no. Or you just clarify that you two can still be fuck buddies but not soul buddies. ANyway you should reply to him

Aeris said...

Sometimes responding to people in K's position only serves to embolden them. Sure sounds like the poor guy's in a rut, but I think you did the right thing not replying.

Thirty3 Naked Laydies said...

Again, Anonymous said it so eloquently.

(1) cherryboi's question did not come out of left-field.

(2) he asked that question for a reason.

(3) if you are confident that he is your new bf and you want it to remotely last, you have to find ways to make sure that he believes in you... and has no 2nd thoughts about the fact that you may be screwing around on the side.

(4) K is one hot mess! A very sad hot mess. We feel sooo very sad for him. And it's a shame that you too have been placed in this awkward and vulnerable situation. I agree that you should reply to his emails, BUT, there are times when its easier (and almost better) not to reply. Not sure what to advise.